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Hammer Time

I decided a few weeks ago to try and lighten things up with customers. I therefor exercised a little Vision.

Capital-‘V’ vision involves imagination. What does RI look like as a rockstar pizza delivery guy? Images come fast every time I ask myself. Rockstar-pizza-guy RI is fast. He runs to and from deliveries. He looks like this guy, Lukas Parker, but with a pizza shirt on.



The most reasonable vision I have of myself during these exercises in imagination is humor. My rockstar-self cracks jokes at the door that make people laugh and tips grow.

I have no natural proclivity to humor. I find it easy to laugh, but being humorous takes a spot of effort. But what is vision without a goal and some work? I decided on that day a few weeks ago that, sans orange hammer and copious amounts of body hair, I would try to be funny.

I drove down the road to my second delivery of that day began to plan. What jokes could I say? I would have maybe 10 seconds. Interactions are fast. I’m on a doorstep for up to a minute, tops. I went through the possibilities:

Slapstick? Nope.

Props? It’s their food. Nope. And I’m not cracking jokes about their children, as much as they beg the case.

Anti-jokes? Maybe. I’m still chewing on this one.

Nay. All three presented too much difficulty. I thought and thought. There was nothing I could do. I realized that if I told any pizza jokes, they would just be too cheesy.

Tee hee.

Yep, I just did that. But I did it then, too. I had told myself a joke. It dawned on my after the fact. It was a Eureka moment. I had it!

Here’s how I executed it, and the subsequent results:

*knock knock*

C: “Oh hi, pizza guy!”

RI: “Hi!”

*start money exchange*

RI: “Sorry, I usually have at least a few pizza jokes, but they’re all pretty cheesy.”

I was very scientific about this. I tried it four whole times. It was the same thing. Every time. I got the same reaction. Every time.

Nada. Nothing.

That’s right. I got no reaction. Not a twitch. Not a groan. Not even threats! No feedback whatsoever.

I talked to Monk about it a few days later.

“Monk,” I said, “I was trying to be funny with my customers by telling jokes at their door.”

“Yeah, how did it go?”

I recounted to him the setup, the delivery, and the reaction.

“Yeah,” he said. His face stoic.

“Nothing?” I said.

“As a comedian, I would never laugh at that joke. Ever.” he said. Then he chucked me on the shoulder. “You probably just need to work on your routine.”

Yeah. I wonder what would be easier: working on my routine, or buying an orange hammer and doing crossfit.



P.S. Think you can help my humor game during a pizza delivery? Let me know on Facebook.


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